anx*ious- adjective
Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Today was one of those days where I had some things planned, but didn't get a lot accomplished. I woke up with lots of zest of getting Aby ready for school, walking her to school, doing the dishes, picking up the kitchen and living room. And then I sat down for breakfast. Once I did that the day was blown. I had no energy for anything. I have a to-do list a mile long. I have clothes in the dryer that need to be folded, I need to go through clothes I can't wear and crack open the box of maternity clothes, closets need to be organized, I have orders to fill, bathrooms to clean, back porch to spruce up, I need to go through both girls shoes and clothes and see what they can/can't wear. I have PLENTY to do. I just couldn't do it. I started answering some emails and deleting ones I didn't need. I came across one from the makeup artist we used for the Christmas Stroll and I suddenly became very panicky. Now, I know I have 9 months until the Stroll even comes around again. BUT it takes all 9 months to plan. And in the midst of it all I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have to figure out how to be a mother to 3 children, and work out the details of a very successful event for our town and surrounding areas. My hands at this point are just wringing with fear and anxiety.How am I going to make this possible?????
And then it hit me. I'm not. I alone cannot make the Kids Area a success. If I try, it will be a failure. I have to hand over all fear and anxiety to the only one who can deliver me from it and that's God. He has placed a fantastic group of people around me that are wholeheartedly invested in Whooville. They work their tails off, and are united in the final outcome. So my prayer is that I get some type of energy back to get a head start on my end of the organization. As I sit here and type this out it kinda seems a bit silly to me. Why do we allow things in our life to consume and raise our blood pressure a bit? Why when I began to panic was my initial thought to begin running through my head all the things to ADD to my to-do list instead of stopping and praying? And why did I allow it to put a damper on the rest of my morning? I think from now on I will hope to remember the Apostles Peter's advice, and cast all my cares upon God. It says in 1Peter 5:7 that I don't have to carry the burden of my worries. I may reflect on this experience as silly, but if I release these worries to God then He will gladly take the concern upon Himself. It's His responsibility to take care of me, and if I allow Him, He will wash His peace over me.
First, I completely get where you're coming from here. Each time I've been pregnant -- and then in the first bunch of months after -- I've struggled with the same lack of motivation and the feeling that I should just give up before I start, because it's all just impossible. One of the most important things I've had to do is to remind myself that this is just a season in my life, and those feelings are normal, and, as you said, laid the whole thing in God's hands. It's OK that you can't do it all, or don't feel like you can even start it -- you are allowed to do less right now, as the inside of your body is certainly working like crazy making a person!
ReplyDeleteSecond, as you said, there is a whole group of us behind you, supporting you in the things that you need to do and plan for the Christmas Stroll -- as well as anything else!
I know exactly how you feel! Thanks for the reminder to put it in God's hands :)
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